


Don't Look at Him, He's Got a Girl at Home

by phansparent (lestershoweller)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, anxiety mention, drug mention, platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 06:00:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5152904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lestershoweller/pseuds/phansparent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil is in love, which would be great if the guy loved him and didn’t have a fiancée. And also if Dan wasn’t madly in love with Phil as well. All Dan has are the nights where a sad, lonely Phil needs comfort after having his heart torn out over and over. Dan doesn’t know how to tell Phil he deserves someone better, and especially not that the someone is him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Look at Him, He's Got a Girl at Home

**Author's Note:**

> Originally inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Girl at Home”. But I changed the lyrics to fit the title, and it really has like nothing to do with it. I don’t have the heart to make D or P a cheater.

_I._

Dan hears the sound of Phil’s phone powering off behind him. He glances over at his roommate on the sofa, who is tossing the now powered off phone to the opposite end. Phil kicks at the small end table in front of him, pushing it forward.

“Everything okay?” Dan asks, spinning around in the office chair to face Phil.

“Yeah,” Phil grunts, looking at his hands, unsure what to do with them now that he no longer has his phone.

“It’s Will, isn’t it?” Dan asks.

Phil’s lack of response is confirmation. Dan rubs at his eye, sick of repeating this same scene every couple of days.

“He’s just being an ass,” Phil admits.

“As opposed to his normal charming self?” Dan asks, his tone so dry and sarcastic it practically bites Phil on the nose. It’s no secret to Phil that Dan dislikes Will.

Phil glares at Dan, making Dan’s stomach sink because although he hates Will, he hates having Phil mad at him more. He gets up from the chair, abandoning the gaming video they should be editing and sits next to Phil on the sofa. He leaves little space between him and Phil, such little space that Phil leans his head onto Dan’s shoulder.

“He just…sometimes I think all he wants is the sex,” Phil says, his voice shaky.

Dan resists the urge to say that sex is all that Will wants. Though Phil and he had been sleeping together on and off for more than six months, Will swears he’s not really interested in men, not enough to date them or love them. Dan doesn’t know if it’s true or if Will is just closeted as fuck, but either way, it means that Will isn’t going to leave his fiancée, and there’s going to be more and more nights like this one, with Phil almost in tears. Dan hates to admit that sometimes he hopes these nights will continue, because they’re the only nights that end with Phil snuggled up to Dan, Dan stroking his fingers through Phil’s hair until he falls asleep.

“There’s plenty of guys out there who would love to really be with you,” Dan says, trying to ignore the aching in his chest that’s pushing him to spill exactly who would love to do that.

“I only want him, though,” Phil whispers. Now, Dan’s chest aches for a new reason, but he says nothing.

* * *

_II._

Dan awakes to Phil attempting to free his arm from between the sofa and Dan’s back. Phil sneaks towards the door, when Dan questions, “Where are you going?”

Phil blushes. “Just heading into bed,” Phil lies.

“With your shoes on?” Dan asks, raising an eyebrow. His stomach feels sick, anticipating what Phil will say next.

“I’m going to see Will.” Noticing Dan’s furrowed brows, he continues, “He apologized. He says he really wants to see me before he goes on holiday.”

Dan rises from the couch. “On holiday with his fiancée!” Dan shouts. He doesn’t mean to, but he can’t believe someone as beautiful, intelligent, and kind as Phil could be so intoxicated by an asshole like Will. Dan walks over to Phil and puts a hand on his shoulder. He looks at him, hoping his eyes send the message that he doesn’t want him to go, not only because he’s trying to protect Phil but also because he wants Phil to be with him.

“You’re so much better than him,” Dan sighs, cupping Phil’s cheek in his hand.

“I’ll be fine,” Phil says, pushing Dan’s hand away. He turns around and exits the room. Dan heads to his room and slams the door, not having to worry about Phil being around to hear it, and wondering if that had been the moment to finally kiss Phil and if he had completely missed it.

* * *

_III._

The purple marks littering Phil’s neck the following morning tell Dan that their confrontation the previous night did little to stunt Phil’s sex drive. Phil is flipping pancakes onto a plate, and the kettle hums alerting them to the fact the water is boiled.

“Hungry?” Phil asks with a smile. He hands Dan a plate of pancakes and pours him a cup of coffee.

“You’re in a good mood,” Dan says, his voice quivering in confusion.

Phil sits opposite Dan at the table and takes a sip of his coffee before announcing, “She caught us last night.” He giggles, and the widest smile Dan has ever seen from Phil spreads across his face.

Dan feels his heart thump faster in his chest, and he hopes that Phil cannot hear it like he can. “That sounds horrible. Why are you smiling?”

“Well it’s over now that she knows. We can be together!” Dan gives him a questioning look, so Phil continues. “I mean, obviously he was a bit distraught, but he let me stay the night with him to cuddle. That’s the first time he’s done that. And he really doesn’t even love her anymore. He just feels trapped by his family and friends.”

Dan doesn’t feel like eating his pancakes, his stomach growing queasy realizing how much Phil has been manipulated by Will. He’s made Phil believe that he’s really a good person, who is doing a bad thing, and he’s dragged Phil down with it. If Phil would just remove his blinders he’d see how horrible it is to be carrying on an affair with an engaged man, but love has completely deluded him. It’s morally reprehensible, and Dan knows he’d do exactly the same with Phil if he had the opportunity; if Phil were engaged and wanted an affair with Dan he’d do it in a heartbeat. So, Dan understands. He’s been deluded by love for five years.

Dan forces a piece of pancake in his mouth, which is only slightly easier than forcing a smile for Phil. “I’m happy for you,” he says, but mentally he prepares what he’s going to say when Phil comes crying home tonight, or tomorrow, or a week from now, when Will doesn’t leave his fiancée. He knows no word from him will change Phil’s mind, even if it breaks his heart to wait for Phil’s heart to break.

* * *

_IV._

There’s a crash on the other side of the wall, and Dan shoots up in bed. Dan is a grumpy person when he’s woken up, but this sound erases the tiredness from his eyes. His heart thumps against his ribcage, knowing the sound originated in Phil’s room. It’s past five in the morning, a time way past Phil’s usual sleeping hours, so something is wrong.

Dan hears three knocks on the wall behind him, a signal Phil often uses in the mornings to encourage Dan to collect the post early in the morning. Dan often uses it as well, as a sign that he’s wearing his feet out on the carpet in a mess of existential crisis, and he needs Phil to calm him down. Dan wonders if Phil is finally having his own crisis, as he pulls himself out of bed and heads to Phil’s room.

Phil’s bedside table is turned over onto its side, the drawers hanging out, spilling their contents onto the floor. Phil is curled on his bed, and Dan is amazed at how childlike and small Phil appears. Phil had spent many of their first years as friends taking care of the younger Dan, and since Phil had met Will, they have switched roles. Dan feels like the older of the two as he slides next to Phil and wraps his arms around him from behind.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” Phil whispers, a tone that Dan knows he only uses when he’s trying not to cry.

“It’s okay,” Dan coos, nesting his chin in the crook of Phil’s neck. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Dan feels warm tears on his own cheek as they fall from Phil’s eyes. “I thought he’d call, you know? I thought the wedding had to be off, but I went on his Facebook, and he’s posting pictures of them on their holiday. They still went on the holiday!” Phil croaks. His body shakes, and Dan grips his body tighter to soothe it.

“Well he’s fucking stupid if he doesn’t want to be with you,” Dan says. “But you’re way too good anyway for a dickhead who’s cheating on his fiancée.”

Phil laughs one of those sad laughs that result in crying harder afterwards because it’s always harder to be sad again after remembering what it’s like to be happy. It’s barely a laugh, almost just a cough, and Dan knows Phil made the sound mostly to trick Dan into thinking he’s fine. Phil doesn’t like to be the one who’s “not fine.” Phil attempts to be sunshine incarnate every day of his life, and it’s people like that who often get hurt the hardest because they keep the hurt all in until they break apart.

“You were right about him,” Phil mutters, almost to himself but loud enough for Dan to hear.

A pit forms in Dan’s stomach because it hurts to see Phil so defeated. The right thing to do is to tell Phil he wishes he wasn’t right, that he wishes Will loved Phil like Phil deserves to be loved. But the pit in Dan’s stomach isn’t guilt that he’s right but guilt that he’s glad he’s right because he doesn’t want anyone to have Phil but him. So, he says, “I’m sorry you’re hurting,” because he really doesn’t want to lie.

* * *

_V._

A nightclub is not a place that either Dan or Phil frequent, but Phil’s friends from uni have asked him to join them since they are only in London for a few nights, and Phil feels obligated to meet up with them. Dan is even less happy to attend than Phil, and he doesn’t even completely agree to it until he sees the way Phil’s hands are shaking as he struggles to button his shirt that evening. Phil has barely been out since his affair with Will ended, and he anticipates his friends shoving him at various men and women all night, which both he and Dan know Phil isn’t ready for. When Phil sees Dan slip out of his room, hair newly straightened and changed out of his pyjamas, the smile that spreads across Phil’s face sends Dan’s heart into a frenzy. He tilts his head downwards to hide the flush appearing on his face because Phil hasn’t smiled an honest smile in awhile, and Dan will do anything to keep that smile on Phil’s face.

“Ready?” Dan asks.

“No,” Phil admits.

“You’ll be okay,” Dan says, placing a hand right above Phil’s hip and tickling him lightly.

Phil laughs, and they step out of the apartment together and begin their walk to the club. When they arrive, Phil’s friends are already drunk.

“PHILLLLL!” One of them shouts. “Is this your boyfriend?” He asks, giving Dan an unwanted pat on the bum.

Phil laughs. “Just a friend.” A blush arises on his cheeks, and he looks over at Dan who has become highly interested in his own shoes, attempting to hide the blush that has appeared across his own face.

“I’m too sober for this,” Dan mutters.

Phil places a hand on Dan’s shoulder and leans toward him, whispering in his ear, “Go get us drinks. I’m fine here.”

“Okay.”

The first thing Dan asks the bartender for is a double shot of tequila, which he downs immediately. He also orders two beers for him and Phil, even though both of them would rather have a cocktail, but mixed drinks are too hard to drink in bars – too many drunk people not looking where they’re throwing their hands.

The shot hits Dan fast, and with the noise and lights of the club, everything is already looking blurry. When he returns to where Phil and his friends had been, and there’s no one there, he wonders if someone has drugged him because Phil would never just run off without him. He can’t even check his phone because he’s got a beer in each hand. Dan takes deep breaths because nightclubs make him anxious enough, and he can’t handle losing the only person he knows. Dan scans the floor, thinking that finding a six foot two man with an emo haircut can’t be too difficult in a nightclub, and then he sees him. Phil is not alone, but he’s not with his friends either. He’s with Will.

Fueled by tequila, he marches over to where Phil and Will are standing. Without thinking, he throws his arm around Phil’s shoulder. “Hey babe,” he says, handing the beer to Phil. Once his hand is free, he grabs Phil’s hand, tangling their fingers together.

“Hey,” Phil replies, raising his eyebrows at Dan but not letting go.

Will rubs his arm and looks at his feet, obviously uncomfortable. “Um, well I’ll let you two be alone,” he mutters and turns to walk away.

“You should call your fiancée!” Phil calls after him, smiling a devious smile. “What a twat,” he mutters after Will is out of earshot.

Phil turns his head to look at Dan, whose heart is banging harder against his chest than he can ever remember. It’s pumping through his ears, and he almost can’t hear when Phil asks, “What was that about?”

“Sorry, I just thought…I was afraid you’d go back with him so I thought…maybe it’d help if he thought we were together,” Dan sputters, not even understanding the logic of it himself.

“Well, I didn’t need your help, but I appreciate it,” Phil says, squeezing Dan’s hand.

“I’m proud of you,” Dan says, reciprocating Phil’s squeeze.

They sip their beers and troll the club, searching for Phil’s idiotic drunk friends. At some point, Dan leans into Phil and whispers, “We’re still holding hands.” It terrifies him to say it because Phil’s hand is warm, and their fingers fit perfectly into each others, and there’s this tingling in his arm like he’s touching the most important thing in the world, and it’s right because Phil is the most important thing to Dan.

“It feels nice,” Phil answers, letting his head fall onto Dan’s shoulder.

Dan’s brain feels like it’s on fire, wary to believe the words spilling from Phil’s mouth. He doesn’t let himself overthink it when he kisses Phil’s forehead, even though he has no idea what this all means to Phil. The hum from Phil’s mouth says they’ve passed the line of platonic love, and that’s enough for Dan. 


End file.
